Windows 98 Warning!

Author unknown
Posted 4/3/99

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Missouri edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Missouri. If you have one of the Missouri editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Missouri edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plactic disc thangs.

Other features:

Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

Normal command:   Command in Winders 98:
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes = shore
no = Naaaa
find = hunt-fer it
go to = over yonder
back = back yonder
help = hep me out here
stop = ternit off
start = crank 'er up
settings = sittins
programs = stuff what does stuff
documents = stuff I done did

Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.


Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98 (Missouri version):

tiperiter A word processor
colering book a graphics program
addin mershene calculator
outhouse paper notepad
jupe-box CD Player
iner-net Microsoft Explorer
pichers A graphics viewer
IRS M/S accounting software
coon dog American kennel club records
fishin Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
NRA National Rifle Association
shot gun Remington Arms price list
raffel Winchester price list
pisstel Smith & Wesson price list
truck Ford & Chevrolet dealers in AL
house Nearest Mobile home repair service
core network Used Car listing for AL
cuzzins family history usually a 1kb file
tax records usually an empty file
shells ammunition inventory
bud list of Budweiser dealers in AL
rasin NASCAR racing schedule
Parts nearest Junk yard by zip code
doc veterinarians in AL
thesaurus Barney's home page
spell check Physicians visit schedule
highlight Chandelier outlets


We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Missouri edition of Windows 98. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. Home Page Walton Dell's Software School Projects by Walton Dell Computer Support (Tutorials and more!) Glossary of computer terminology Music Video Games Fun Stuff Humor Links to other web sites Search or the entire web! Contact Walton Dell
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